If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
