Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think my mom watched the whole time
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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