How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
