But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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