i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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