I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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