I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
