So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
