Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
