I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
