you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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