onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
