i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
