That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
