so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
