Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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