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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye

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• (845): View more from New York

  no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.

  (516): View more from New York

  You wear Armani Exchange.

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• (914): View more from New York

  he puts the penis in happiness.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  i think i have two assholes

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons

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• (805): View more from California

  100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.

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