and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
