If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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