So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
