a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
