I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
