i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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