idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I didn't notice because vodka
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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