He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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