nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
