i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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