sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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