I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
