The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
