He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
