Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
