Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
