You're my little dorito
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
