Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
