I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
