Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
