Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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