dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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