Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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