Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
