i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
