That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
