What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
