Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
MIDGETS
????
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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