yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
