I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize