my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.