hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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