Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
