k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
