in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
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he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
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I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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