:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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