I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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