I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
