i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
