Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
