Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
