She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
