You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
