Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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