That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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