So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
