I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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