I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
