know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
