Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize