my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
