I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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