nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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